Ten more team capsules, three match previews and a whole lot of EPL goodness on the eve of the season.
Aug 12, 2011 3:00:00 AM
By Shane Evans
Getty Images
From the wondrous shine of Howard Webb’s dome to the dumbfounded yet hilarious faces of Harry Redknapp to incredibly chilling moments of silence at various times during the year. English Premier League football is back. The only thing we’ll be lacking will be the ridiculousness of Paul Scholes’ tackles...something that I’d pay to see him perform for any team anywhere in England.
Anyway, if you read last week’s edition of “The Full English,” you know exactly where this one is headed. I have another ten team previews to bang through with my recently stolen idea to put a musical act to them. On top of that, three matches to examine, because you know, the season starts tomorrow...or so I’m told.
Buckle in, people.
Let us start with the ten teams that fall alphabetically after Manchester United. Don’t expect much though, as a coworker of mine who will remain nameless, made some daft comment about the first ten being the only good teams in the league. Oh how little he knows. Ironically, we lead with the daftest team in the entire sport...
Newcastle United
2010/11 Finish: 12th (11-13-14, 46 points)
Season outlook: Another interesting season ahead on Tyneside. The most mismanaged team in the land, Newcastle will struggle this season as most of its best players appear to want away from St. James’. I wonder why.
Biggest addition: Demba Ba
Biggest subtraction: Kevin Nolan
Star player in 2011/12: Hatem Ben Arfa (when/if healthy)
Band they resemble: Soundgarden - Traditionally one of the bigger groups out there but now more of a sideshow than anything else. Easier to point and laugh then take them seriously.
Norwich City
2010/11 Finish: 2nd in the Championship (23-15-8, 84 points)
Season outlook: A very good season last year, I think Norwich could be the best of the three that were promoted last season. For this year, I think it could do a combination of Blackpool/Hull thing but also with some of the Birmingham thing in there, too. A side built to stay up, I think.
Biggest addition: Kyle Naughton
Biggest subtraction: Luke Daley
Star player in 2011/12: Grant Holt
Band they resemble: TV On The Radio - People still don’t know much about them, but they definitely have the chops to make it in the big time. Some might argue that they already have...
Queens Park Rangers
2010/11 Finish: 1st in the Championship (24-16-6, 88 points)
Season outlook: With manager Neil Warnock becoming increasingly frustrated by the lack of big movement on the transfer front, it appears that the newly-promoted side will go into the year with the players that it had last season. Names like Dyer, Bothroyd and Gabbidon will help, but not much.
Biggest addition: D.J Campbell
Biggest subtraction: N/A
Star player in 2011/12: Adel Taarabt
Band they resemble: The Black Angels - Lively and melodic but will likely never make the big time. A bit of a shame, but not really, as they’re better suited for the smaller stage.
Stoke City
2010/11 Finish: 13th (13-7-18, 46 points)
Season outlook: Always one of the toughest sides to beat, Stoke has basically cemented its place in the EPL as there are certainly more than three teams that are worse than it is. Could be a big money signing away from staying in Europe, too.
Biggest addition: Jonathan Woodgate (does he count?)
Biggest subtraction: Abdoulaye Faye
Star player in 2011/12: Kenwyne Jones
Band they resemble: Arctic Monkeys - Gritty, to the point, and effective...you get the message with this lot, loud and clear.
Sunderland
2010/11 Finish: 10th (12-11-15, 47 points)
Season outlook: While some teams sat still and didn’t make many waves in the transfer market, Steve Bruce and Sunderland were quite active. A number of names in and a few out the door, the Black Cats will have a different makeup in 11/12, but could be stronger because of it.
Biggest addition: Craig Gardner
Biggest subtraction: Jordan Henderson
Star player in 2011/12: Asamoah Gyan
Band they resemble: Alice In Chains - Never quite as good as its close neighbors (see Newcastle and band) but has always produced quality when it matters. Recent comeback has been admirable and worth following...again, unlike closest rivals.
Swansea City
2010/11 Finish: 3rd, playoff champions (24-8-14, 80 points)
Season outlook: For me, Swansea could be the best team to be promoted this summer. Brendan Rodgers is really a great manager and he outclassed most of the teams in the Championship last year. With a number of quality additions, we could see this Welsh side stick around for a bit.
Biggest addition: Danny Graham
Biggest subtraction: Darren Pratley
Star player in 2011/12: Scott Sinclair
Band they resemble: People In Planes - I was tempted to put Stereophonics here as they are Welsh, but so are PIP and this fits. Great young talent with very limited exposure. Worthy of your time when you’re in the mood for something a little different than the norm.
Tottenham
2010/11 Finish: 5th (16-14-8, 62 points)
Season outlook: Betcha didn’t realize Spurs only lost eight matches last season. That was less than Manchester City and Chelsea. Anyway, this season should be something of a redemption song for them. If it can keep hold of Luka Modric, we could see it improve. The importance of the Friedel pickup cannot be overstated, as Gomes has been a laughable no. 1 since day one.
Biggest addition: Brad Friedel
Biggest subtraction: Jamie O’Hara
Star player in 2011/12: Gareth Bale
Band they resemble: Radiohead - Everyone likes Radiohead...but no one knows why. Something about them just makes it easy to take in, even if they try their absolute hardest to make you hate them.
West Bromwich
2010/11 Finish: 11th (12-11-15, 47 points)
Season outlook: West Brom are that team that literally no one cares about. They finished 11th last season and could have easily gone as high as 8th. Impressive. This year won’t be as good to them but a few key additions and the solid ‘you’re better than you think you are’ coaching of Roy Hodgson will keep them in the hunt.
Biggest addition: Shane Long
Biggest subtraction: Scott Carson
Star player in 2011/12: Peter Odemwingie
Band they resemble: Incubus - There is nothing at all cool about these guys. Not anymore, anyway. Regardless, they keep plugging away and fill out the numbers, as you do, with the odd performance of note.
Wigan Athletic
2010/11 Finish: 16th (9-15-14, 42 points)
Season outlook: Another year, another relegation battle. Yup, Wigan will be in the thick of it again come May 2012 and that’s just how it is. Stationed in a town that would much rather watch rugby, Roberto Martinez’s boys get on with it the best they can. Bless.
Biggest addition: Ali Al Habsi
Biggest subtraction: Charles N’Zogbia
Star player in 2011/12: James McCarthy
Band they resemble: Linkin Park - Is it rap? Is it rock? This split personality stuff has gone on too long and quite frankly, no one will care if they just disappear. Oh wait...
Wolverhampton Wanderers
2010/11 Finish: 17th (11-7-20, 40 points)
Season outlook: Thank the lord for Mick McCarthy. One of my favorite people in football, the gaffer and his club barely escaped the drop last year. They should have a better cushion this year as a pretty deep squad will continue to improve, though not much.
Biggest addition: Roger Johnson
Biggest subtraction: Marcus Hahnemann
Star player in 2011/12: Matt Jarvis
Band they resemble: Third Eye Blind - You’ll go see them play. It’ll be a good time and might even consider buying a shirt to remember it. You’ll go home. You probably won’t go back next time they’re in town.
Voila! All 20 teams previewed in a nice little format that we can all relate to. Well, provided you like good music. What’s next is the real good stuff though, as I have to give my season predications for this upcoming season in the form of a full table.
No more dillydallying, here it is:
1. Manchester United
2. Chelsea
3. Manchester City
4. Liverpool
5. Tottenham
6. Arsenal
7. Everton
8. Fulham
9. Sunderland
10. Stoke City
11. Aston Villa
12. Bolton
13. Newcastle
14. Norwich City
15. Swansea City
16. Wolverhampton
17. West Bromwich
18. Queens Park Rangers
19. Blackburn
20. Wigan
Wowzers! More quality from your favorite EPL columnist. What does everyone think about my table? If you’re an Arsenal fan, you aren’t happy. Having said that, if you’re an Arsenal fan, you haven’t been happy in quite a while, amiright?!
Everything else should be pretty standard stuff. Hard to argue against Manchester United at this point, but we’ll see how it progresses. Goalkeeper will be key for them.
Moving right along (as my word count is quickly rising), let’s hop into a few match previews to get the year rolling. You may have noticed from my Community Shield selection, I am batting 1.000 to start the year. Bravo, bravo.
The Bacon (as in Bringing It Home)
West Bromwich vs. Manchester United (The Hawthorns, August 14th, 11:00 a.m. ET, Fox Soccer)
The title defense begins here. Manchester United is gunning for no. 20 in the top flight of English footy and getting off to a quick start is obviously an important part of that quest. Won’t be easy though as matches against Tottenham and Arsenal quickly follow.
Nothing against West Brom, Roy boy has turned them into something of a formidable team, particularly towards the end of last year, but the Red Devils will likely be too strong in this one. With a healthy dose of possession for most of the 90 minutes, you can certainly put a few quid on a multi-goal lead.
With Nani and Ashley Young providing the brilliance down the wings, United should be in decent shape for most of the match. I expect some resistance, but not enough to keep the Red Devils from a winning start.
TFE Prediction: United end up 3-1 winners in something of a predictable contest.
Liverpool vs. Sunderland (Anfield, August 13th, 10 a.m. ET, Fox Soccer)
Oh yay! Jordan against his old team! I think I noted these matches in a TFE a few weeks ago and it still is applicable today...as he really is playing his old team! Just remains to be seen if he starts...or is on the bench for that matter.
Liverpool is much improved from a year ago and despite being without Stevie G for the first month or so of the season, it will continue to play well under Kenny Dalglish. The Reds were easily the best team of the second half last season and that should continue, even with some new faces.
Sunderland will put up a fight but in the end, it’ll be a good start for Dalglish’s charges who want to make a statement to the rest of the league on day one.
TFE Prediction: First half is kinda drab but it picks up in the second as the Reds win 3-1.
Newcastle vs. Arsenal (St. James’ Park, August 13th, 12:30 a.m. ET, Fox Soccer)
Last year’s game of the season, Newcastle-Arsenal probably won’t be as entertaining as the 4-4 fixture from 10/11, but could be exciting nonetheless. With Arsenal looking likely to be without any player that matters, the Magpies could be in with a shout.
We can’t forget that little Jacky is ready to step up and will be a huge part of the team this season and with him in the lineup, the Gunners will likely still win the battle of the midfield. Newcastle is down its two best from a year ago - Kevin Nolan and Joey ‘the Bad Boy Philosopher’ Barton.
As is usually the case, the final third will be where this match is won, or lost for Arsenal. Up top, if it can get a few goals early in the first, the possession will do the rest in the second half. The other end is where it needs to be concerned though as we all know how much that defense enjoys making silly mistakes…
TFE Prediction: It won’t be pretty, but Arsenal sneaks a 2-1 win to get things going.
Week one has officially been roasted. A few quick words on my lovers in Leicester and it’ll be on to the Black Pudding and then straight to the couch for the next 24 hours in anticipation of the matches starting. Couch-a-thon initiative started.
Leicester Update
2-for-2 so far for Sven’s Revolution. A tidy little 1-0 win on the road at Coventry with 6,200 traveling in support, couldn’t have been a better start. Sure, Darius Vassell got himself sent off early doors but we held it together and got the full three. Then we whipped up on Rotherham in the Carling Cup 4-1. Not a bad way to get going. Reading FC is a different can of worms though. Time for Matt Mills to show he chose the right club.
And Finally...The Black Pudding of the Week
The Nike Seitiro Football: I was going to go with Cesc here or even Modric, but frankly I’m bored to tears of transfer sagas and I figured I’d get back to basics. The football itself. Nike’s new ball looks like it belongs in a video game and has more colors than teams in the league, but hey, putting it in the net is priority numero uno for every player and what makes the sport great. That’s all I’ve got on that really. It’s a ball. It’s awesome. Let’s play football!
No comments:
Post a Comment